Recognizing Domestic Violence

So before i begin, let me draw a scenario, so you can conceptualize before we delve into the topic. 

Your significant other comes home with a bouquet of flowers, you feel happy, get all dressed up in something sexy, brings his dinner n sits with him. Your phone buzzes. A message from your girlfriends perhaps? The entire mood changes. Your bf/ husband starts to quarrel, not checking to even see who the message came from, you try to explain, he shuts you up with a punch to the face. You start crying. So he experiences self-directed guilt. He says, "I'm sorry for hurting you." What he does not say is, "Because I might get caught." He then rationalizes his behavior by saying you`re having an affair with someone. Trying to justify his action. He then acts contrite, reassuring you that he will not hurt you again, you made him do it. He tries to reassure you by giving you money to get something nice as his form of apology to convince you it was a mistake. Then when you go to the store, get yourself something nice, on your way home you`re caught in traffic and is a few minutes late, he feels completely justified in assaulting you again because "You're having an affair with the store clerk." and so the cycle continues. ......

So what is domestic violence? Domestic Violence is physical abuse directed by a family member or spouse (Giddens, 2009).

Still uncertain? How do i know for sure i am being abused? Many women often deny the fact that they or being abused, are not knowledgeable of the topic, or simply are afraid to speak out.
So let me show you the signs of an abusive spouse:

EXTERNAL FACTORS:

Ø  Does your partner belittle, criticize, humiliate or yell at you?

Ø  Does he frequently try to control you?

Ø  Does he treat you so bad at times that you`re afraid to let your family or friends see?

Ø  Does he ignore or put down your opinions, and doesn’t appraise your accomplishments?

Ø  Does he blame you when he ill treats you?

Ø  Does he have an uncontrollable, spontaneous or bad temper?

Ø  Has he ever threatened, hurt or tried to kill you ?

Ø  Does he threaten to take your kids away from you?

Ø  Does he sometimes destroy your belongings?

Ø  Is he always jealous at simple things that you have no control over?

Ø  Does he try to/ controls where you go, who you go with or what you do?

Ø  Does he find excuses to keep you from seeing your friends or family?

I

 If you`ve experienced any of these signs or most, if not all of these signs, more than likely you are in an abusive relationship and its time to get out!!!!!

Still not convinced? Lets look at how you feel in an abusive relationship: 

Ø  Do you feel fearful of your partner?

Ø  Do you feel like you`re walking on eggshells when your partner is around?

Ø  Do you always have to watch what you say or do infront of him to ensure he doesn’t have another “blow up” or because you don’t want to aggravate him?

Ø  Do you sometimes feel as if nothing you do is never good enough, or you cant do anything right for your partner?

Ø  Do you ever feel as if you deserve to be mistreated, because he`s made you feel that way?

Ø  Do you ever wonder if you`re the crazy one or the one who causes him to make you unhappy and hurt you?

No one deserves to feel like this in a relationship. A relationship is supposed to make you feel happy, make you want to spend every minute of the day with that special someone, want to touch them intimately, want to treat them good... Abuse is not love!!!!!

Abuse can cause long term health issues, physical harm, emotional trauma, suicide, and soooo many more negative impacts.

Abuse also quite often leads to death!!!!!!!!

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, read my next blog to find out how to get help for domestic abuse, or how to get out!!!!!